Hurt + Empty = "I Feel Fat"

I heard an outburst like this recently, in the dressing rooms of a department store: "Gosh, I look so fat! I'd have to loose ten pounds to look good in this dress!"

If you've ever said or thought something similar, please: Rethink!

By saying that you're too fat for a dress (or shorts or skirt, etc) you're assuming that your body is at fault and that somehow you are not beautiful or "perfect" enough to compete with the article of clothing. This mindset admits that, in fact, clothes are more important than you. 

That, if you don't mind me saying, is offal of the bull.

An epidemic of self-abhorrence among women has arisen. Obviously a lot of this can be attributed to an unrealistic standard set by the media: Everyone cannot look like Barbie or a Victoria Secret's Angel. But even beyond that, there seems to be a widespread sense of emptiness, of loss and pain. Women feel like they are ugly because they are unhappy. 

I struggle with self-love too. We all carry wounds and burdens, and often, I think, it makes us feel like we are somehow at fault or inferior because we are hurt. I tend to put the needs and desires of others before my own. I do not take the time to admire myself or pat myself on the back. I subject myself to a constant barrage of criticism.

Many of us are taught that being proud of ourselves is wrong and somehow selfish. There is a healthy balance between self-respect and egoism. Selfishness is being self-centered to such an extent that others' lives are completely unimportant to you. In my personal experience, most women have the opposite problem of degrading their own needs. Now don't get me wrong: it is refreshing and strengthening to take care of other people. I am not preaching against self-sacrifice! But it is important to love and take care of yourself. 

I found this article the other day, about five questions to ask if you do not love yourself. I really recommend it! It has stimulated a lot of thought on my part, on how to build myself up.

I addition to those five questions, here are a few suggestions I'd like to make to build a healthy sense of self:

1. When you look in the mirror, consciously point out to yourself your good points. Focus on the good and the beautiful in yourself and ignore the imperfections! We're always so aware of our faults that our positive side is often lost.

2. Do not change your body to look good in clothes. There is always the right cut, fit, material and color for every body type; do not settle for anything less than The Best for you as you are now. If something doesn't flatter your shape, it's a failing on the clothing's part, not yours.

3. Know your shape, your skin tone, and what looks best on you. Shopping and outfit building is 10x more fun when you know what looks good! Fear not: Experiment.

Please remember: no one has a body exactly like yours. It's beautiful. Respect it; your body was a freely given gift to you.
Yours truly,
Redhead :)